another birthday

I have found it to be very challenging to be in this new situation I have created for myself.  I have had a lot of painful cramping from fluid I guess.  I am constantly wondering if my new drugs are working or not.  I can't really find out for sure until August.  I am hoping that I am not experiencing worse symptoms before August like needing to get drained or something worse.  I have started sleeping in the recliner again.  I had to do this a year ago when I was really sick again and had so much fluid I couldn't lay down.  I have some back/leg pain that I am not sure where it is originating.  Not sure if it has anything to do with the fluid since I also experienced this same pain last year when I had all the fluid.  We are trying to go on vacation in a few weeks so I really hope we can go on our trip as planned.

I constantly go back and forth in my head thinking that what I'm doing is working and I will be cured and I can use my blog to tell everyone all about this new cure and save lives!  Then I get freaked out thinking about my birthday coming up on Tuesday and I keep thinking what if this is my last one?  I always like to make a big deal about birthdays and remember everyones.  I am excited to be celebrating another one and really hope it is not my last.  My sons birthday is also coming up soon, a few days after mine.  I am so grateful that I get to see him turn 3!

Birthdays can be hard for me these days but I am just so grateful to still be here and to be spending time with my kids and getting to see them everyday and watch them learn and grow.  Life is so precious and unfortunately it is crazy things like getting cancer at 32 that really make you appreciate what you have. 


Me and my birthday buddy!