I have been so reluctant to blog because I haven't had the heart to sit here and tell you all what I have been experiencing and going through the past week, mentally and physicaly. But alas you are my loyal followers and I know you're still there and you deserve an update!
I was violently ill this past week with vomiting and sweats and misery. I was in bed for a week from the chemo and that was only from the pump drug not the main ingredient that used to make me really sick. We aren't sure if all of my symptoms are from the chemo, the chemo and the cancer, or both. I have a new tumor that feels very large that pushes on my diapgrham. I am not sure if this is the root of my eating problems but I have a very hard time eating and keeping food down. This has been going on for like a month, the eating problems.
I have a constant internal struggle about how much suffering is worth staying here on Earth for. I love my children and my husband my family so dearly but the suffering is just too much sometimes and fogs my head and makes me feel torn between just wanted to go to heaven to be at peace FINALLY and to end the suffering that seems to be so constant for me.
As I tucked my daughter in last night she said, "mom do you think you'll be sick tomorrow?" Please pray for a good day, positive energy, hope and light. Please pray for my eating and my children and my family.
0 Comments